Friday, November 18, 2016

23 Absolutes that should be present in every marriage

  1. In marriage, you always assume the best of your partner
  2. You never tell your spouse you don’t respect them.
  3. You never tell your spouse you don’t love them.   
  4. You never tell your spouse they “ARE” something when you mean they are “acting” like something.
  5. Avoid absolutes (see what I did there?):  If you feel like your spouse is acting (again – acting, not Is) a certain way today, be specific ("today", "for the last 2 days", "since Monday", etc), but not “always”.   
  6. Rage has NO place in a marriage.  Ever.  No matter what.  Not in a marriage.
  7. You never scream at your spouse.  You also never scream at your spouse and play the semantics game and say you were just “yelling”.
  8. Never speak to your spouse in such a way where if someone was listening in they  wouldn’t be able to tell if you were speaking to your spouse or your child.      
  9. Never cuss At your spouse, never call your spouse a curse word-do not label.
  10. Never physically lay hands on your spouse, ever, never, ever, never, never (this goes without saying, of course, but hey… since I’m making a list:).   
  11. Don’t threaten. 
  12. Don’t attempt to use intimidation (physical, threatening, withholding, tattling, etc)
  13. Never use sex as a bargaining chip (no withholding).
  14. Never use the kids as leverage.
  15. Never play the kids off your spouse.
  16. Keep the verbal diarrhea to yourself – because after you’ve “fixed” whatever the issue was, you won’t be able to find everyone who heard you griping about it to tell them it’s now all better. 
  17. Do not carry over one argument to the next.
  18. Try not to go to bed without having first discussed anything that has made one spouse hurt or angry that day.  Will you Always be able to fix everything before you lie down?  No.  But don’t go to bed without first attempting to start the softening process.
  19. Never speak to your husband in a way that you would never allow your son’s future girlfriend to talk to him.
  20. Never speak to your wife in a way that you wouldn’t be perfectly fine with a future boyfriend talking to your daughter.
  21. Never forget that your spouse is your spouse.  You are divinely charged with their emotional, physical, and spiritual care.  Not just when it’s easy.  Always.
  22. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (and never become enraged)
  23. Whether your spouse “deserves” something can’t even be in your vocabulary.  The ONLY thing they have to do to deserve your best is to be your spouse.  That’s it. Not be their best, just be your spouse.  Therefore, always be patient, kind, respectful, loving, not arrogant, not rude, tender, selfless, never rejoice in their pain, never resentful, humble, always believe, always hope, always love.